She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize