i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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