She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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