...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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