so explain again why im purple
no
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my liver is dry heaving
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
