I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
