you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
