I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i dont even know how to be here
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
