He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
