Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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