maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
