Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
