I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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