is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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