i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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