I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
