Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
