I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
