It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
