I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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