Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
