he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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