Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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