We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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