Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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