you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
