That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
