You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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