Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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