Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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