Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
