I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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