I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize