so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
