I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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