dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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