Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
