I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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