38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
