Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
