My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish I only lived at night.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize