Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
do herpes really smell.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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