The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
