I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
