Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
