I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
