im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
