You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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