You smell like stripper and shame
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
