Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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