Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
