He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
