Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
