ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
