you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
