he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
