Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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