chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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