Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize