I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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