quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
