hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
