First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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