god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
