I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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