Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
