mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize