I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
