I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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