At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
