Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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