Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The beer is more important than you right now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
