did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
