i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
