butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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