really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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