we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
