i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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