how can u be prego again
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
