I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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